I'm So Tired

Last night was great, but I gotta tell ya, I could do for that hour of sleep that was so rudely ripped away from me.

Following is an incomplete itinerary of Saturday's events.

9:00- lunch with the Easter Bunny at the Frenchtown Applebee's. The pancakes were good, the eggs? Not so much.

10:00- call Kohler to confirm departure time for trip to Grand Rapids.

10:30- try Kohler again.

11:00- once more.

1:00- knock on Kohler's door.

1:30- depart for Grand Rapids by way of Heather's house in Redford.

5-ish- Arrive in Grand Rapids with two hours to spare before the doors open for the inaugural bout of the GRRG.

6:00- realize I am slightly drunk in the hotel bar.

6:47- we caravan from The Raddison to The Delta Plex.

7:00- Kohler and I tell security that we are refs from Detroit so we can sit on the floor with the rest of the Detroit Derby collective.

some time later- realize I am now quite drunk.

5:00 minutes to go in the second period- begin to understand just what the hell is going on here. I like it.

post-game- Where's Kohler? Oh, there he is.

after party- Oh shit! This is the most packed bar I have ever seen.

some time later- head to the bar to order beer and water.

20 minutes later- finally get my order.

some time later- how did I get out on the dance floor? Oh well, I better bust out something funky.

seconds later- Damn! That was funky!

hours later- Merredith and I are ready to go. Tricia, not so much.

bar's closing- coney dogs? Yeah, that's a great idea.

minutes later- Tricia cannot be trusted to navigate.

minutes later- Coney Island!

4:30? Merredith and I create ground rules for sharing a sofa bed. Her rules are not as fun as mine.

5:00 am- another house guest is worried about sleeping in the same room with us, for fear that we might hook up. I assure her that we will not be hooking up, adding, "I don't even know this bitch."

morning- I ask Merredith if my snoring bothered her. She says it didn't. I tell her that I probably farted on her while we were sleeping.

afternoon- return to the Raddison to rejoin my Detroit Derby contingent. Ed once again compliments my unique dancing style, comparing me to a modern day Kevin Bacon circa Footloose. I notice that the room in which they slept smells like sausage and ass, and I thank God that I crashed at Tricia's.

3:00 Finally home. I smell bad.