Barry Bonds

Major League Baseball is bearing down on Barry Bonds. The media has always hated him. His approval rating with the general public parallels good old GW. Now, the federal government is bearing down on him.

Federal prosecutors are looking into bringing perjury charges against Bonds for the grand jury testimony that he gave in 2003. The whole world is coming down on him. It took me a long, long time, but I am finally sick of hearing about it.

The way I see it is that there are only two solutions to this problem. First, you can legalize steroids and other performance enhancing drugs across the board. Sure, this will make the history of baseball and every other sport irrelevant. It would be a lot easier though and more cost effective. Just start a new record book. It would be as zany and wacky as Back to the Future II, it will work out. Let me be the first to say it. I will go out right now and find the first unassuming young lass to impregnate. I will raise my child in the name of science and sport. He will make Barry Bonds look like Mary Poppins.

The only other viable solution is to kill Barry Bonds. Just get rid of him. Put him out of his shrunken balls misery. It couldn't be that hard. Just have the president pass a new law drafting only Barry Bonds to fight in our upcoming war in Iran. Or, just shoot him.

I bet Bonds wouldn't be against AIDS if it made him better at baseball.