Andy is Right!!! Pisses Me Off!!!

It doesn't piss me off that Andy is right. It is what he is right about.

AZ and I discussed the Lions and the NFL Draft this evening. He said he was quitting watching and supporting the Lions. He said it is because the organization as a whole doesn't make sense and doesn't care about it's team or fans. Andy is correct, on all points.

Now I am to what has pissed me off.

I was bored and not quite ready for bed yet. I was reading what the Lions had to say about the draft on the Official Lions Blog.

Here is an excerpt of the conversation with Matt Millen, from Wednesday (Dave's Birthday) just three days before the draft.

Millen: “They asked me if I would take a quarterback, I said, absolutely I would consider a quarterback. This would be a good situation because we have a real healthy quarterback situation and whoever we would draft wouldn’t have to play right away. So you can bring him along slow and you can bring him along the right way instead of having to force him to do something. This would be the right situation. That’s why.”

Millen was asked the question in regards to the top three projected passers, including Jay Cutler, Matt Leinart and Vince Young.

Millen: “Yeah, they said if one of those guys would fall they asked if I’d consider it and I said absolutely I’d consider it. I mean, really, idealistically, this is the right spot for a quarterback.”

Correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't Matt Leinart available at the nine slot? Didn't he get snatched up right after our dumb-ass pick? Hmm....I thought so.
Not that I am in love with Leinart (although I am sure the ladies think he is cute), but isn't he a better pick for the future of the franchise than Ernie (I'm a concussion or two away from an early retirement) Sims?

Yes yes yes, I have ranted about this all weekend. I promise I will be done soon. I know Millen went out and signed some free agent quarterbacks in the off-season. Jon Kitna, Shaun King, and Josh McCown were thrown into the cluster-fuck of a system that we call the Detroit Lions. First of all, why would you sign three QB's virtually at the same time? Second of all, Fuck Shaun King. I don't really have a beef with Jon Kitna, persay, since he could have been a good mentor to Matt Leinart. Oh, by the way, fuck Josh McCown. Um, alrighty then.

AZ is on to something. I confided that I would pay closer attention to the Green Bay Packers (although it won't be pretty), since it will be Brett Favre's last season. I am also going to watch the Dallas Cowboys. I said it, and I am not necessarily proid of it. They had a decent draft. I liked their first two picks a lot. The picked up Bobby Carpenter at LB and Anthony Fasano at TE. They are both very solid players. Fasano will solidly back up Jason Witten and Carpenter will be as solid as he was at The OSU.

I will probably still watch the Lions, but sadly, I will be forced to watch them fail. You can bet your bottom dollar that I will not send a penny their way though in the form of tickets, memorabilia, or a Charles Rodgers drug rehab fund.

They Say it's Your Birthday

The birthday blitz is upon us, although this year’s blitz begins amidst a terrible and painful tragedy.

It starts off quickly and then cools for a bit, only to come back with an amazing fury.

Brooke celebrates her birth on the 22nd of March and then Emily celebrates six days later on the 28th. My dad and my brother’s birthdays are separated by three days, April 1st and April 4th, respectively.

Chris Carducci’s birthday is April 18th and Dave follows up eight days later on the 26th. (April 26th, 1992, there was a riot on the street tell me where were you.) Jami Harris celebrates with her twin on April 28th (this is pretty much irrelevant to our friends, but I’m making a point) and then Jon officially gets a year older on April 30th.

The birthdays continue with Chris Merritt’s birthday on the 2nd of May and Jacob’s birthday is nine days later on the 11th. Chad Blackwell has a May birthday (the 31st) and then DJ celebrates on the 16th of June.

There is a little break between Jacob and Chad and a longer break until DJ’s birthday, but they all still occur in a relatively short time frame.

I share my birthday with Aaron Bomia, Mary Freese and Amber Stifler. Matt celebrates on the 22nd of August and my mom rounds out the summer on the 29th.

So right now we are in the middle of the birthday blitz. I wish it would have had a better start but hopefully it has a good finish and everyone enjoys a healthy and successful year.

Happy birthday to everyone!

50th Post!

We have reached a milestone here at The Blog Alliance. 50 posts. This one most will not like, so sorry.

Andy left me a message today about the Red Wings and the Pistons sucking, but the Tigers are good. That is mostly true. The Pistons played terribly last night and Michael Redd lit it up. Other than that lapse, they are in great shape.

The Red Wings, however, are a different story. They are under the President's Trophy curse. You win out the regular season, only to be flat in the playoffs. As I mentioned before, we make Edmonton's goalie look like a superstar. Detroit gets shots on goal, but not quality ones. They will force a game seven, but fall.

The only thing that makes me feel ok with the Red Wings losing in the first round is that the Dallas Stars face elimination for the second time today. As of right now, it is 0-0 after 1.

The Tigers are an interesting story. They are playing well. As of right now, they are 1 game behind the White Sox for the lead in the AL Central. The White Sox play the Angels in about 15 minutes.

Through April, compared to the same period last year, the Tigers are doing better.

They are 16-9 overall versus 11-11 last year. The surprising thing is that they are only 5-5 at home this year. That leaves a tremendous road record. Keep it up boys.

Scoring is a tad bit down (which I didn't expect). Detroit scores 5.32 Runs per game as opposed to 5.5 last year. Their defense is up though. They give up only 3.32 runs per game as opposed to 4.54 last year.

Finally, the Tigers under pressure are 3-2 in games decided by one run this year. Last year, they were a dismal 3-6.

Go Tigers!!! I will be seeing you play in person for Chris' super-secret bachelor party celebration on June 24th. Oops.

In other news, as I lay out in the 80 degree sunshine and swam this afternoon, I was reminded of something. It is not funny, but rather sad. Rachelle and I used to swim a lot. In fact, it was our second favorite past-time right behind minor league baseball. Anyways, one day in the pool, I saw a small snake. It was literally just a baby. Rachelle thought I was joking and freaked out a little when she actually saw it. I tracked it down and caught it. I was simply going to remove it from the pool, so it could slither away to the grass. Apparently, I miscalculated the snake's threshold for heat. I tossed it as gently as possible out of the pool and onto the cement patio. There was only one problem. The cement was baking in the 100 plus degree sun all afternoon. The snake instantly froze (irony) and crisped up. It was no more. Whoopsy Daiseys.

While I am on statistics, I have posted 58% of the entries. Andy trails with 28% and DJ has a meager 14%. It is not a contest. It just proves that I have too much time on my hands.

Pubes

(I'm trying to get back to some level of normal. I hope this helps.)

I’m not one averse to pubic hair. As a matter of fact I have seen a fair amount of pubic hair over the last month. Whatever, it’s part of the body, no big deal.

Yesterday was another rough day and I decided after my three-hour nap on the couch I would drink some beer and read the new Rolling Stone I got last Saturday.

I flipped to the summer movie preview by Peter Travers (I trust everything he writes about movies – most of the time) and then to the cover article questioning whether President Bush is the worst President ever. The answer is no, but close.

Then I thumbed through the rest of the magazine only to land on pg. 38 and the “King of Pain” feature about Nick Lachey. The first picture with this story was Mr. Lachey with his shirt off and pants drooping to expose the upper region of his pubic hair. Not cool.

I don’t want to see that and I’m sure no one really does. Then I thought what if this was a female, would I care as much? I’m not sure; probably not, but that’s only because I agree with Elaine Bennis’ character from Seinfeld.

(The Apology, 12/11/97)
Jerry: "Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa the other day--"
Elaine: "Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh... that is not a good look for a man."
George: "Why not? It's a good look for a woman."
Elaine: "Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep."
Jerry: "So you don't think it's attractive?"
Elaine: "It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian."
George: "Well, some women like it."
Elaine: "Hmm. Sickies."

I didn’t finish the feature; actually I didn’t even start it. I’m not a 98 Degrees fan.

In the future I hope Mr. Lachey and other male celebrities think about Elaine’s words from Seinfeld. If we all can remember that the male figure is “simian” and “utilitarian” we can avoid unwanted pubic hair photos and live a more enlightened life.

In Memorial

There has been one week of silence on the TheBlogAlliance as well as MyLifeAfterPaintChips.

After the tragic death of Chris Carducci last Friday morning, the world seemed to stop. All trivial things seemed to disappear, as the reality of such a devistating event sunk in. I talked to people I haven't talked to in a long time to deliver the terrible news. Each time it got harder and harder. Eventually there was a transition from disbelief to the sadness and darkness created from the void in our lives.

I personally have a lot of memories about Chris, mostly from our younger years. The first thing I thought of when I was driving home after hearing the news was of playing hockey in the street in front of the Carducci house. My emotions got the best of me as I was driving home. There were summers where seemingly everyday we would play hockey. Even after the net was mysteriously broken, we made do.

I also thought of the teasing of Ray down the street in our childhood. Oh, the elaborate scheme of the mafia moving in on Ray was ridiculously funny. Maybe teasing Ray wasn't the best thing to do, but it was all in good fun.

I also remember the short stint of Chris being up at MSU. The few times that I got to hang out and go out with him in East Lansing were tons of fun that I will not forget. The two times that I was down at Bowling Green with Dave to hang out were also good times.

I also remember the many occasions that I spent time at the Carduccis' house. Dave and Chris would play the piano and sing for hours on end. He was also a wonderful trumpeteer (if that is what it is called). It was all very amazing to me. Luckily, I was fortunate enough to see Chris in action when I went to see "The Marriage of Figaro". Chris was as musically talented as anyone whom I have even known. His voice will never be forgotten.

It was evidenced at his services in Monroe this week that everyone who came into contact with Chris was touched in one way or another. Whether it was by his infectious personality, his fun-loving attitude, or his many gifts and talents, in one way or another Chris was someone special to everyone. I have never seen a funeral service that was more emotional, beautiful, and powerful. The Bowling Green Men's Chorus was so wonderful and powerful that it was hard to take, even during their rehearsal before the service. The Ave Maria was one of the most beautiful pieces of music that I have ever heard, period. David's memorial was also very powerful. I took the message of attitude very much to heart. I commend him for his inspirational words and a delivery that was so strong it was unbelievable. David has a gift as well, that I am sure the world will see soon enough as well. Although it was one of the saddest and hardest thing emotionally that I have ever dealt with, I left with a feeling that everything was going to be OK. The performance of Johnny Schmoker at the end surely left Chris smiling.

It helped that there was a host of friends both old and new all there for each other as well as David and his parents. It was wonderful to see everyone, and a huge reminder that friendships are forever, so there is no point in taking them for granted and not keeping them up. Without the support of friends, this tragedy would have been nearly impossible to handle. Thank you everyone!

It was very hard to leave Monroe and try to get on with "normal life". I personally wasn't ready for it, but had no choice. I am just glad that I was able to make it to be there for David and his parents. Chris will never be forgotten by anyone who knew him. Likewise, no one who knew him will ever be quite the same. Unfortunately, he was taken before his time. Not just those who knew and loved him, but the whole world lost an amazing man. Who knows where his career and talent would have taken him. Regardless, it is undeniably true that he has and would have inspired any who crossed paths with him through music or life.

Wake Up Call - Mavs Fans

I have watched the Dallas Mavericks all year long. This is not because I am a fan, but more because of geographical reasons. Yes, they won 60 games. No, they did not win their conference. They could not overcome the Spurs. This is going to be a central theme.

The sports media and general buzz around the area is that this id the Mavs' year. New coach Avery Johnson has lit a fire and it is supposed to end with a ring. I hate to break it to all of you Mavs fans, you are being ridiculously blindly optimistic.

Ok, let me throw this out there right away. I know all of you are going to bitch about the NBA no reseeding in the second round of it's playoffs. This places the Mavs most likely against the San Antonio Spurs. This is a 60 game winner vs. a 63 game winner in the second round. The NBA has never reseeded in between rounds. Things changed a little when you add a division and award a higher seed to divisional winners. So what?! You knew that all season long. All you needed to do was beat the Spurs and win the conference. Winning 60 games is all good, but it wasn't enough to put you in a favorable playoff position. Close but no cigar. Quit bitching!

I have a friendly wager with my local Buffalo Wild Wings bartender. We are going $50 a game in the Spurs-Mavs series, because I think there is no way that the Mavs can pull this one out. The Spurs are too deep and too talented.

Here is a general overview of the Mavs' problems in the playoffs. First off, since they are playing the Memphis Grizz, who have never won a playoff game ever, they will overlook them a bit. In what should be an easy series, mental lapses will push this series to at least six games. The Spurs will be on Dallas' minds.


At point guard, Jason "the Jet" Terry. He averaged 17 a game, with only 3.8 assists per outing. He is a relatively good ball-handler, but doesn't move it enough. With pressure for scoring, he looks to shoot first rather than distribute, which is OK, sometimes. With a banged up Darrell Armstrong, who tweaked an ankle in the finale, and chronically injured Devon Harris behind him, the position lacks depth.

Ok, this is taking too long. Basically, behind Dirk, there are no real or consistent threats. The general consensus is Josh Howard is the man. I heard a stat that the Mavericks are 19-0 when Josh Howard scores 20+. It is the playoffs and even the Memphis Grizz will step up the intensity. Certainly the Spurs will. Jerry Stackhouse shows up to play 1/10 of the time. The big men include DeSagana Diop and Dirk Nowitzke. Dirk is a viable MVP candidate. Diop is OK at best. Other than them, you have Keith Van Horn who broke his hand and Erick Dampier who is terrible. Good luck Mavs, but you have no chance against Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli, and Bruce Bowen. Oh yeah, Robert Horry and Michael Finley can kill you too.

I will thoroughly enjoy collecting some extra cash when the Mavs faulter. The fans are wide-eyed and excited. They will end up going home with their tails between their legs. That is assuming they have tails, but whatever.

2006 NBA Playoffs: The Western Conference

Okay, I’ll admit it. I don’t like the Western Conference. I used to be a fan of Manu Ginobili until the 2005 Finals last year in which I found out he plays like a little bitch.

I still like Dirk Nowitzki, but I’m not a huge Mavs fan. I love the Clipshow and Steve Nash.

Right there are all my thoughts about the Western Conference, but here’s the preview anyway.

First Round:
Sacremento v. San Antonio – Who cares? The Spurs will win in four or five.

Memphis v. Dallas – Who cares? Dallas knocks this one out in four of five.

LA Clippers v. Denver – I actually will watch this series. Go Clipshow! Elton Brand is a better player than Kenyon Martin. Martin dunks the basketball and then gives a mean look and walks down the court. Hey Kenyon, you’re 6’9’’, you better be able to throw it down and you’re not that good to stare people down…jack-ass. Melo smokes weed. Clipshow in six.

LA Lakers v. Phoenix – This series will be entertaining. The scores will probably be 191-190 and Kobe will score 100 points. Steve Nash is fun, but when he dribbles from the top of the key to the baseline, down the baseline to the sideline, back to the top of the key and then down the lane and flips up a shot off his left foot with his left hand I want to shoot him. Other than that I love Nash and the Suns. Hey Phoenix, draft Maurice Ager and show Shawn Marion how to shoot. His shot annoys me. Enough tangents, the Suns take this series in six or seven.

Second Round:
Dallas v. San Antonio – Who cares? These teams bore me. It will be a long series; prolly seven games. The Spurs will win and move to the Western Conference Finals.

LA Clippers v. Phoenix – It would be fun to watch the Clipshow take on the Lakeshow because every game would be at the Staples Center, but alas the Clippers will have to travel to Phoenix. Phoenix is too quick and experienced for the green Clips. LA may win a game, but will lose in five…maybe six if they snag two wins.

Western Conference Finals:
Phoenix v. San Antonio – Who cares? Ginobili will fall more times than his Eastern Conference counterpart (Dwayne Wade), but only a very small fraction will actually be fouls…and those will still be controversial calls. Duncan will be able to take over the games because Phoenix has no depth in the frontcourt. These two teams played last year in the conference finals and San Antonio won in five games. This year the Spurs win in six.

2006 NBA Playoffs: The Eastern Conference

I’m out early because the residents are at an all day meeting. I’m sorry I haven’t been contributing lately. Trust me, I will have more to write about as soon as I start doing something other than OB/GYN.

The NBA playoffs start this Saturday and I’m pumped. So here are my thoughts on how the 2006 Playoffs will go. Eastern Conference today, tomorrow the Western Conference.

First Round:
Milwaukee v. Detroit – The Pistons actually struggled against the Bucks this year. Yes the ‘Stones were 3-1 against the Bucks with the only loss coming in the last week of the season when Detroit played their reserves, but Detroit still had to overcome large deficits to win those games. Michael Redd always plays well against the Pistons and Charlie Bell could be a factor backing up TJ Ford. The Bucks speed and perimeter shooting will get them a win, but that’s it. Pistons in five.

Washington v. Cleveland – Last year the Wizards were the five seed and surprised the Baby Bulls winning the series in six games. The 50 year-old phenom LeBron James enters the playoffs for the first time and will get his double-doubles and a triple-double in this series. It will be a long, up and down, entertaining match-up. The Cavs should squeak this out in seven games.

Indiana v. New Jersey – The Nets are hot. Indiana is not. This will be a fast series. Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson will dominate on the wings and open up the inside for Nenad Kristic. The Nets sweep the Pacers, but Jason Kidd is still a wife-beating douche.

Chicago v. Miami – This is the most likely upset. Miami is a good team, but that’s it. Shaq is old and it only took the official fourteen years to realize that all his moves in the post are actually fouls. I like Shaq, but since his speed has decreased he uses his ass and elbows too much for position. Dwayne Wade will fall down at least 50 times in each game and about 4 or 5 will actually be fouls. Although Chicago will protect it’s home court, winning game seven in Miami will be too much and it probably won’t get that far. Miami in six.

Second Round:
Cleveland v. Detroit – BronBron loves Detroit. Ilauskas hates the Pistons…or just Sheed. The hatred stems back to an incident in which Sheed elbowed the bald giant Ilgauskas in the head. But R. Wallace said, “"I'm not going to start the game by cracking a cat in the skull if I don't get elbowed first.” True. The Cavs play the Pistons tough. However, Cleveland can’t win at the Palace. Cleveland will win game three, but lose the series in five.

New Jersey v. Miami – So long Wade and Shaq. New Jersey can and will win this series. Kidd will use his douche-bag point guard powers and lead an attack that steals a game in Miami. Then the Nets will protect home court and win in six.

Eastern Conference Finals:
New Jersey v. Detroit – These two teams don’t like each other. Richard Jefferson blames the Pistons for his broken wrist last year. Whatever. He’s a baby, but loves playing against Detroit. Carter and Jefferson will pose match-up problems for Rip and Tayshaun and the Nets are one of three teams to beat Detroit at the Palace this season. However, Rip will run Jefferson into the ground and Chauncey is a better point guard than Kidd. Sheed should dominate Kristic. Jay-Z will still be big-pimpin’, Jefferson will cry, Carter will complain of back pain and Jason Kidd will beat his wife. The Nets will get one in Detroit and then the Pistons will return the favor and win game six at Continental Arena for their third straight Eastern Conference Championship.

Joey Watch 2006

Joey Harrington officially wants to be a Miami Dolphin. The Miami Dolphins want Joey Harrington. Now, Matt Millen just needs to let it happen. The Dolphins have reportedly worked out a two year deal for Joey. Now, he just needs to be released or traded. This will not be a problem as Harrington is due a $4 million dollar roster bonus in June. The trade implications are bleak though, with Detroit reportedly wanting a third or fourth round pick in next weekend's draft while the Fins are suggesting a sixth rounder in next year's draft.

Harrington will be backing up new Dolphin, Daunte Culpepper. Given Culpepper's history of injurt, Joey may be at the helm sooner than you might think. It could be a potent offense. The Dolphins are stacked at running back with Ronnie Brown, Travis Minor, and Fred Beasley. They also have some guys to catch the ball in Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, Kelly Campbell, and Cliff Russell. They also may or may not have David Boston at that position as well. On paper, it is not as talented a core as the Lions' receivers but as Lions fans know, the paper does not parallel reality.

Harrington will join fellow Michigan State Alumn Josh Shaw and Renaldo Hill, and Charlie Baggett (asst. coach). He also joins former MSU coaches Nick Saban and Bobby Williams.

Andy and many others want to see Joey succeed. I have never been fond of the guy since he was drafted by Detroit in 2002 with the 3rd overall pick. If the Lions were dead set in a quarterback in that draft, they did OK, considering the only other two quarterbacks taken in the first two rounds were David Carr and Patrick Ramsey. Ironically, the next quarterback drafted after those guys: The 13th pick in the 3rd round, Josh McCown.

I will be interested to see if Joey develops as a quarterback or starts laying in the sun, hanging out with Ricky Williams.

Here kitty kitty

It has happened. Tomkat had a little kitten today.

Suri, was 7 pounds, 7 ounces and 20 inches long.

I don't have much to say about it, because I don't care.

There haven't been any word of the status of the placenta. It was reported earlier that Tom Cruise wanted to eat it to have whole nurishment. The guy is an effing lunatic. His religion is lunatic. The hype surrounding this once studly (Top Gun) actor is lunatic. He brought down a young actress (who I also could give a shit less about) to put a little breath of fresh air into his washed-up persona.

Did I mention the guy is a lunatic?

Top Ten Best Day

Today was an unexpected delight. I was driving to my appointment this morning, listening to Mike & Mike in the morning on ESPN Radio. I had forgotten that The ESPN Radio crew was going to be in Dallas for live all-day broadcasts, to celebrate the 103.3's birthday. Well, my appointment had nothing available for me to review, so I left. I went to my second appointment early and the agent just wanted me to take the documents and leave, since they had limited space for me to work.

I headed home and quickly changed my clothes. I was off to Cape Buffalo Grill, about a 5 minute drive from my place. I made it in time to get settled and order a beer before Mr. Dan Patrick took the stage and airwaves.

It was an incredible event. I didn't plan on having anything to drink today, or doing anything other than work. Shit happens when it is 100 degrees outside. Here are my highlights of the three-hour show.

Dan Patrick was mentioning that The Playmaker was going to be on in a half hour. He started talking about the Adam Sandler movie: The Longest Yard. Adam approached DP about a part in the movie. Naturally, Sandler wanted DP to play a sportscaster. DP declined. He said he would be anything but a sportscaster in the flick. DP ended up being a cop who arrested Sandler in the movie. During the filming of the scene, Sandler began ad-libbing. Dan didn't know what to do, as he was prepared to stick to the script. Sandler laced into DP screaming, "This is eff-ing acting Dan". There was also a comment made about Michael Irvin playing a convict, also a natural role.

Michael Irvin showed up and was on with Sean Salisbury and DP. From the minute Irvin was within range of a microphone, his mouth never closed. I am not sure he took a normal breath during the segment. He is very excitable. MI opened by telling Dan Patrick that he makes MI blacker (it was a street cred / Seinfeld black-white cookie thing). After that, Irvin and Salsbury almost immediately got into it. They were at each others throats. Topics of fighting were Matt Leinart v. Vince Young, The New York sports media, and experience v. analysis. It was entertaining to say the least. Irvin was preaching to Salisbury. He kept yelling out, "I am tired of teaching you". Irvin took a shot at Salisbury about his NFL career and how success has followed Irvin, winning championships at different levels. Salisbury replied with a shot at Irvin's broadcast abilities. It was like a you're a Hall of Fame player, I'm a Hall of Fame broadcaster. Irvin went off the deep end screaming, "You see my new ESPN contract? It's Huge! You want to measure up contracts?". He also kept hitting DP in his various levels of spastictiveness. DP scolded him for the hitting and the yelling. The Playmaker ended his segment and catfight with Salisbury with this gem, "Don't you know I have been to court often enough for you to beat me in an argument?". It was golden.

That was the jist of the excitement.

It was so great because it was spontaneous, included early beers, and provided the opportunity to meet Dan Patrick, Sean Salisbury, Mark Cuban, and see my buddy MIrvin.

Alas, I am home, with work to do and a small beer buzz. Maybe naptime on the couch is in order.

Hot Hot Hot!

Easter Sunday has come and gone. No easter eggs, no candy, no big deal. It was a very quiet day today. I needed it.

It was also ridiculously hot outside for the middle of April. In fact, it was record heat today. 92 was the previous high in Dallas for this day back in 1920, and 94 was the previous record on Easter in 1936. 95 is what we topped out at today. Some of you in Michigan may think that is crazy. Well, tomorrow is supposed to be 97 and Tuesday is 95. Even I, who have lived here for 11 months, thinks that is a little crazy.

I only have one notable story from today. Now, looking back, it is funny, but it almost landed me in jail. I was at the local Kroger, hobbling around and trying to pick up a few things. I am walking pretty well these days, but if I am walking a lot, I take it slow. There was a pissed off older lady following me around. She saw me hobbling and kept gruffing and making noises like I was holding her back. She could have easily went around me. Instead, when she finally can't take me anymore, she rams her cart into my boot thingy. I almost cold cocked the bitch. I swore at her, and I swore a lot. There were no kids in my aisle, but I am sure there were some in the vicinity of my swearing. I am afterall, not the quietest kid in the world.

I let her have it. Some how, I fought back the assault and battery charges. Somehow.

It sneaks into my top 5 people I wanted to kill. I had to take a Vicodin for the first time in about a week. It feels fine now. I am over it almost completely. That effing bitch! Ok, now I am over it completely.

Does Anyone Know?

Can someone please tell me what the hell happened to me last night?

Anyone? I didn't think that would be possible.

I am clueless.

I woke up, which is probably surprising. I was on my couch, again in my contacts and all my clothes. (Twice in 3 days).

I felt terrible.

I spent an outrageous amount of money. It is pretty bad when you have to examine your bank account online to determine your wherabouts the previous night.

I remember talking to Kade and Caleb for a minute. I think I was pretty coherent then.

If this were a puzzle, I would burn the pieces, because I can't put it together.

Fuck.

Good Idea/Bad Idea

We have all had our share of good and bad ideas during our lives. These were some of the good and bad ideas of last night’s gathering with Jacob, Chris, DJ and Emily.

Good idea – having Emily buy Pacifico and bring it down to my apartment
Bad idea – having Emily only buy two six packs

Good idea – helping finish left over Mexican food
Bad idea – dropping it on my floor and then asking if I had a vacuum

Good idea – playing Contra on NES
Bad idea – not timing my jumps and losing seventeen lives on Level Six, “Energy Zone”

Good idea – watching Bevis and Butthead
Bad idea – trying to watch the Simpsons at 3.30 in the morning

Good idea – opening my windows to let in the fresh spring air
Bad idea – leaving the windows open over night when the temperature dropped into the 30’s

Good idea – making shots with Capri Sun
Bad idea – drinking shots made with vodka and Capri Sun

Good idea – challenging EKG about his drop kicking abilities
Bad idea – EKG demonstrating his drop kick

Actually that was a good idea too. It’s just shoe, it’ll come out. CHRIS! (Inside joke)

Happy Easter to all the Christians who read The Blog Alliance. If you are not Christian I hope your next religious holiday is full of happiness.

Good Friday

It is Good Friday again. This year is different though. This is the kind of day that becomes ruined by past successes on this day.

Last year, we created and implemented one of the best ideas and plans for a day. It was A Good Friday for Drinking. Sure, you say, every Friday can be a good Friday for drinking. Yes, it can, but this was special.

Literally a whole day of drinking, starting with a noon time beer and beer and beer. Management at this particular establishment asked us if we were coming back for the game that evening. We informed management that we were there for the game. I think we got an odd look. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, or maybe we were crazy.

The second best MSU basketball game of our time was going to be played in about 7 hours. We were well on our way, with excellent seats in front of the tele.

The beers kept flowing, and jukebox domination took place. After the lunchtime crowd sifted out, the place was ours. For a few hours, it was slow, but then the rest of the MSU community began to catch on. Chris, Dan, Andy, Jeni, Emily, Brooke, and Rachelle were the core of the group. If I forgot you, I apologize. It is understandible though.

The shots started. Then more beer. There was probably a pitcher or two of margaritas or daquaris. Then more shots. Then more beers.

Game time was approaching. I didn't honestly think we would all make it and be coherent enough to get into the game. Boy, was I wrong. Everyone got into the game. The atmosphere was electric, like we were actually at the game, if the game was at Breslin, and if Breslin was a bar.

To make a really long story just long story, MSU beat Duke in the Sweet 16, 78-68. The celebrations were underway all day. It was inevitable that something great was going to happen. MSU did not disappoint. After the game, everyone was loving it. It felt just as good as the 2000 championship. I jumped on top of a chair, probably screaming like an idiot. I got scolded by management and tucked my tail between my legs. For a moment, I was a broken man. I got over it quickly.

Now, Good Friday has Catholic implications. It is the supposed day of Jesus' death. Last Good Friday, Jesus died and Duke died.

This year poses a different situation. On one hand, I would like to keep the legacy
alive. A Good Friday For Drinking was a fantastic brain child of AZ and JC (I think-again, if I am wrong, I apologize, although it is understandible). This year, it falls later so the NCAA Tourney is long gone. I am 1200 miles away the original site of that spectacle. I wanted to make a surprise pilgrimage to Michigan in honor of good times. It didn't make sense to spend all of that money when I am going to have to spend $6,000 in gas money next month when I drive up.

Out of respect for the day, I am not going to drink a drop of alcohol today. Ok, maybe it is not out of respecy, but more the fact that I destroyed my body on Wednesday night. You say potato, I say potata. Or, I say potato, I say potata. Whatever.

I thought this was going to have a point. It does not, other than the fact that I made about 10 people waste 3 minutes of their day and life by reading this garbage. The joke is on you. Regardless, enjoy your Good Friday. Hopefully, you at least get the day off of work.

O-R-E-O

When I was in college I dabbled in a bit of snacking. I should say, I was the Barry Bonds of snacking. I broke records that most believed unbreakable. I set standards of eating that would buckle William Howard Taft's knees.

Like Bonds, I was a natural. Eating like a pig was in my blood. My father and his father before him were legendary snackers. So I had a lot to live up to. As a youngster I did just that. I could eat whole large pizzas at a single sitting. I could (and still can) eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in three bites, no sweat.

One night in college I ate an entire box of Oreos while watching the History Channel at 2 am. A record which, as far as I know, still stands for my weight class.

Last night, the dream ended.

I could barely choke down a measily half a box of Oreos. Granted I'm no longer on, "the juice," but man, I used to be somebody.

What am I now?

Now I'm just a dude who's kind of flabby and lacks self discpline. I'm no longer the sideshow freak style eater of my youth.

Pitiful.

And to top it off, the indigestion I suffered at the hands of the brand name sandwich cookie caused me to have freaking weird ass dreams last night. Like Bill Cosby had when he ate that meatball sub before bed that one time.

Crap.

Barry Bonds

Major League Baseball is bearing down on Barry Bonds. The media has always hated him. His approval rating with the general public parallels good old GW. Now, the federal government is bearing down on him.

Federal prosecutors are looking into bringing perjury charges against Bonds for the grand jury testimony that he gave in 2003. The whole world is coming down on him. It took me a long, long time, but I am finally sick of hearing about it.

The way I see it is that there are only two solutions to this problem. First, you can legalize steroids and other performance enhancing drugs across the board. Sure, this will make the history of baseball and every other sport irrelevant. It would be a lot easier though and more cost effective. Just start a new record book. It would be as zany and wacky as Back to the Future II, it will work out. Let me be the first to say it. I will go out right now and find the first unassuming young lass to impregnate. I will raise my child in the name of science and sport. He will make Barry Bonds look like Mary Poppins.

The only other viable solution is to kill Barry Bonds. Just get rid of him. Put him out of his shrunken balls misery. It couldn't be that hard. Just have the president pass a new law drafting only Barry Bonds to fight in our upcoming war in Iran. Or, just shoot him.

I bet Bonds wouldn't be against AIDS if it made him better at baseball.

M & M's - Music and Medicine

All I know now is OB/GYN.

I have no idea about Iran’s nuclear proliferation or Bush’s approval ratings. I heard the Pistons won last night and that the Tigers have returned to their normal form after getting the sweep by the White Sox.

I have nothing else to write about, but being on call. I’m post call now after a call shift of 36 hours. I had an interesting day and a half, but if you want to hear about the death threats that’ll have to come at another time.

Before I got my hour of sleep early this AM I was thinking about Chris’ assessment of good band names from my last posts. Chris has always been creative when coming up with band names (so has EKG, i.e. The Ringer Tee Forces, Minus Grover) and he wrote in the comments of my previous three posts he liked the names Post Call, Sterile Field and Biscuit in My Hand as good band names.

So I tried to think of some other cool medical terms that could be used as band names. Here are some of my thoughts at 5.00 in the morning.

1. Trich (pronounced: Trick) – this is the slang term for trichomonas. Trichomonas is a flagellated parasite and a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Trich is a common cause of vaginitis in the pregnancy population and if one partner has this STI the other needs to be treated.
This band name would suit an indie band that played with fuzzy distortion and sampled with drum loops; a Strokesque sound or similar to what I have heard of the Killers.

2. Pseudophakic – this is the term to describe someone who has an artificial lens in his/her eye, usually status post cataract surgery. These people loose the ability to accommodate and thus need to wear reading glasses.
Pseudophakic could range anywhere from heavy metal to garage rock to just plain ole rock ‘n’ roll. I could see a band with this name sounding like the Greenhornes…and that’s not too bad.

3. Android Pelvis – this is an OB/GYN term used to describe the shape of one’s pelvic outlet. This type of bony structure is more common in men and if a woman has this particular pelvic structure she cannot give birth vaginally or the infant will die.
This band would probably be a “trip-hop” style band, maybe along the lines of Jack Drag or even the Dandy Warhols; possibly even like Ambulance Ltd. I would enjoy this sound, but may tire of it after awhile.

4. The Happy Puppet Syndrome – this syndrome is also called Angelman’s Syndrome and it is a rare genetic neurological disorder. HPS results from a microdeletion on the maternal chromosome 15 resulting uniparental paternal disomy, in which the infant receives two copies of chromosome 15 from his/her father. The syndrome received its name from the clinical appearance of child who would walk on his/her tiptoes, similar to a marionette and have uncontrollable paroxysms of laughter. Hence, the happy puppet.
This is probably a better album title than a band name, but whatever. I could see this as an album title for an indie band like Pavement or a heavy metal rock band like the Zombies.

5. Ilio-Tibial Band – this is a tight band of fascia on one’s lateral thigh that connects to the tensor fascia lata muscle. This muscle helps with abduction and flexion of one’s hip.
A couple of medical students at MSU-COM actually formed a band and called it the Ilio-Tibial Band. Pretty creative. I would see this as a bluegrass or country-rock band, similar to Wilco. I’d dig this band if it existed today.

6. 5 – FU (5-fluorouracil) – this is a chemotherapy medication that inhibits thymydilate synthase and thus pyrimidine nucleic acids (two of the four bases comprising DNA).
I have called dibs on this as an album title. If anyone steals it I’ll be sad. This is just a good rock ‘n’ roll album title…first I need a band.

Those are the medical band names I conjured up at 5.00 in the morning. I like the name Foswald as a band name, but it has nothing to do with medicine. It was the email address of a former psychology professor I enjoyed.

What are some of your band names? They could be medically related, related to your work or just good names, like Cosmic Toast.

I’m very, very tired now and this was a lot longer than expected. Tomorrow is Good Friday, and that means it is a Good Friday for drinking. I must celebrate in the festivities.

A Night at the Bar

I wanted to go to the bar last night to watch the Pistons destroy BronBron. Then, I remembered that it was dollar pint night. That sealed the deal for me.

I don't where to start the story. First, the good news. The tab was $15. Bad news, that means that I had 15 pints, and no dinner. Damn.

Flash to now. I feel like crap. I slept in my clothes on my couch, with my contacts in place.

Flash to last night. I was a little apprehensive about going to this particular bar. I didn't want to have a run in with the promise ring girl. I sucked it up and went, and luckily, she was not there.

I don't remember leaving the bar. I remember them turning on the lights at the end of the night. Thats all. The bar was packed because beers were only a dollar.

A guy walked into the bar. (no this is not a joke). He was 6'9 and about 250 pounds. Thats a big dude. Turns out he played football at Ohio State from 1976 to 1980. He was a tight end. I can not remember his name for the life of me. I will chalk that up to alcohol. So, we started talking Big Ten football and about Woody Hayes and whatnot. It was phenominal.

Then some other stuff happened and some other stuff happened. The music that was playing was ridiculously fun. It rivaled juke box domination, but I didn't have to select the songs. Someone did it for me.

The only thing that could have made it better would have been karaoke. I was drunk enough to be a star. I am sure that I made a jack-ass of myself without it though.

Now, I will retire back to my couch and take in a day of recovery.

Edit: It is now 1:00 and I still feel like shit. I am showing preliminary signs of the onset of AIDS (the drinking kind).

I am lame

I was watching the tele a little bit, unwinding from my work day.

I saw something that made me laugh.

"Hey you want a beer?", as a bottle of High Life is handed over. "sure, thats what airbags are for".

Ahh..... Miller High Life.

I was a member of the Burger King Kids Club

Oh crap.

Iran is inching closer to nuclear proliferation. NU-CLE-AR.

Cra-a-ap.

But EK why is this so bad?

Well, because the weapons are nuclear and the country in question is Iran. Iran hates us, and we are not too fond of them. At this point a Cold War would be preferable to the worst case scenario.

Kaplowie!

Yeah, we are all going to die.

Reuters reports that our President has dismissed reports of a military strike against Iran as "wild speculation."

"Wild," of course, coming from the Greek word for, "we're going to," and "speculation," from the Latin for, "blow them up first."

Oh crap.

Not my cup of tea

I don't get into politics too much, basically because I don't understand it. If I was more intelligent, maybe I would like politics, afterall, I like to argue.

I saw that Bush's approval rating is at a new all time low. I thought that was pretty congruent with The Blog Alliance since we received our fewest visitors yesterday since inception. Hopefully the world wide web was just down in your area.

In the new survey, only 38% of the public approve of the job Bush is doing. 60% disapprove. I tend to believe I would be cast in the remaining mystery 2%. Or, I would be the margin of error. That is what they (in the spirit of immigration debate) would call no bueno.

Democrats hold the edge in trust of handling Iraq, the economy, immigration, healthcare, and corruption in Washington. What else is there? Terrorism. According to the poll, democrats lead American trust by 1% in dealing with terrorism as well.

All I know is that gas prices are crreping up near the $3 per gallon level here in Texas. It doesn't make sense because there is a lot of oil production here. Shouldn't it be cheaper, being closer to the source and all?

In my assessment of these numbers, I predict that if the trend of Bush's approval rating falling continutes, it will be declared un-American. There will be a ban on publishing approval ratings and survey results. Afterall, if Al-Qaeda reads about Bush's lack of respect, they may view America as weak and vulnerable. This would prompt further attack planning and lead to a major security threat. They would probably have to add a few new colors to the threat-level meter.

Do I make sense? No. Do I know what I am talking about? No. Am I cynical? Hell yes. I can't see why people are so die hard politically, since it is so out of hand. It goes beyond the point of reason and into the realm of ridiculously.... well ridiculous. I view politics much like I view fantasy sports leagues. They are monsters that completely consume those that are brave enough to jump in with both feet.

My day was vastly different.

Ok. I am not mad at Dr. Drew. I do not feel like he is bragging as I was acused of. I am elated for him. It is amazing what he has accomplished. I can not deliver babies, but I sure could make them.

Anyways, if you are tired of reading about baseball and the Tigers, please close your browser now.........

The Detroit Tigers have done it again. Another game, another win. They are one of two teams in MLB that are unbeaten. The difference is, the Milwaukee Brewers have played all 5 of their games at home. Detroit has done it on the road.

Chris Shelton remained red hot tonight. He went 3-4 with 2 triples and a single. He had 3 RBI's. He did finally show us that he was human, striking out in his last at bat. He is hitting .700 on the season with 5 homers and 9 RBI's. Curtis Granderson hit a homer, giving the Tigers a team total of 17 on the season.

A more impressive game was logged by Justin Verlander. He got his first win in the majors by pitching 7 stellar innings. Verlander gave up only 2 hits and struck out 7. I saw 100 mph clocked at the field twice. He was on. I would have liked to see him finish out the game, because his pitch count was only 80 when he exited. I am just being greedy for the kid though.

The Texas Rangers' $60 million dollar baby, Kevin "Thrillwood" Millwood is 0-2 on the season with a 7.36 ERA.

It got a little chilly outside after the sun set, but I survived. It was super fun and the beer was delicious. The fireworks were a nice touch at the end. It was like my own private celebration of the Tigers' victory (with 35,065 other people).

Tomorrow it is back to the ballpark for Kenny Rodgers' return to the Ballpark in Arlington. We all remember the big fiasco where Rodgers roughed up a camera man for getting too close. He served a 13 game suspension and started packing his bags. I like having a camera phone. I am a nerd. I am going to have a headache in the morning, I can tell. Eff that!

A Day in the Life - The Conclusion

Triage (four rooms) was full with two or three in the waiting room. Eventually we had to admit a woman at 11.30 pm for active labor.

The rest of the night consisted of two H/Ps and three deliveries at 1.07 am, 1.37 am (I delivered this baby and the doc I was with told me outstanding job Drew…I’m a pro) and 2.24 am. The 2.24 was gonna be my delivery, but it was a complicated and the baby and to be rushed off for resuscitation (then there were maternal complications, but those were very, very minor).

After that deliver at 2.24, I had another H/P and admit from triage. I didn’t finish this until 4.30 am because there were so many other people calling the resident and me to do different things.

5.30 am rolled around and neither of us had slept and now it was time to round on the patients. I rounded on six of the labor/delivery patients who had delivered on 4/7/06. He got the GYN patients and a couple of post-partum patients done. In total there were 13 patients on which to round.

We were done with rounding at 7.30 am and then updated then sign-out sheet (the sheet with a summary of all the OB/GYN patients). At 8.00 am weekend call started for a new resident and a new student. We all did sign-out together, where we review the summary of all the patients. This lasted until about 8.20 am when the medical student and resident had to go check on a woman we ruptured at 6.00 am (she was close to delivery).

At 8.30 am I was at my locker, got my stuff, went to the café and got breakfast (I love free food and chocolate milk) and then came home. As I stepped outside at 8.40 I said, “Damn. It’s mother-f**king cold….Sh*t! I left my windows open at home.” The day before it was 78 degrees in my apartment so I opened a window to cool things down. When I got home at 8.50, it was 56 degrees in my apartment. F**k.

I ate breakfast and fell asleep with a biscuit in my hand. Now my eggs are cold. My body aches, like it would ache if I could run ten miles. I got the worst cramp of my life while I was sleeping and apparently I convulsed enough from it to knock over my chocolate milk that was on my coffee table. I only wanted to sleep for four hours, but I slept from roughly 9.10 am till 4.15 pm. Now my whole cycle will be thrown off.

So overall, in my 26 hour call shift (6.00 am on 4/7/06 – 8.00 am 4/8/06) I did three or four sterile vaginal exams, three or four ultrasounds, six H/P’s, rounded on eight patients total and was involved in eight births of which I assisted in the OR on a c-section and delivered two vaginal births. I didn’t sleep at all, and then I overslept at home. This is what my life will be like in about a year and a half when I’m an intern (as far as call goes). I loved it. I hope my body can recover though.

I guess the Pistons lost. Stupid Pistons.

They’re OR scrubs. Oh are they?

A Day in the Life - Part II

AZ -

So after that excitement I thought things might cool down, but the triage waiting room was filling up with more pregnant women, all of whom had their last menstrual cycle around July 4, 2005. I guess everyone likes to celebrate our independence differently.

So the day progressed with more admits, sterile vaginal exams, ultrasounds and more H/P’s.

To jump ahead, at 3.15 pm I got an H/P on an elective repeat C-section and at 4.00 pm I scrubbed in on this scheduled C-section. This time I did a lot better. I held the retractors and cut the sutures. The whole thing was over at 5.07 pm. That’s when the sh*t hit the fan.

I left the OR with the resident and we went to write the orders and dictate the operation. After that we took a quick trip to triage and then back to the OB floor. We checked on a woman in labor in room eight. Her husband said the baby would be coming out at any time. “Well, we’ll be back in a second.” We left the room and went to the nurse’s station to make sure the room was ready.

“WE NEED A DOCTOR IN ROOM EIGHT STAT!” So the resident and I ran to the room. The woman had delivered the baby right after we walked out of the room and the nurse setting the room up for delivery had to deliver it herself.

So far, that’s three births. Almost all of the day shift leaves at 3.00 pm, and the residents stay till six, so this birth was right at the end of the day for the residents.

6.00 pm – call starts. I get a phone and eat dinner with an awesome third year OB/GYN resident. Great guy. He’s on GYN this month, so I don’t see him all that often right now because I’m on OB. I’m glad I worked with him.

At 6.20 pm there were two patients who were dilated to ten and 100% effaced, so their delivery was gonna be soon.

These two patients delivered at 8.34 pm and then the other at 8.50 pm. I literally walked out of one and went to the other room and that was my first baby I delivered. I thought it was awesome, so I sent a text to as many people as I could because I thought there would be some down time. Wrong.

A Day in the Life - Part I

AZ -

I’m on no sleep, no sleep.
You look a little stressed.
Oh, I’m stressed.

I’m kinda of copying EKG with this post. I was gonna totally rip him off and do everything by the time it happened, just like he had done with last Friday’s blog, “I’m So Tired.” However, the past 26 hour call I did was way too crazy and when I thought about writing everything down that happened from Friday at 5.25 am to 9.00 am on Saturday would bore the sh*t out of everyone. This is just a quick a dirty version of my first call… that is still really long.

I woke up on Friday at 5.25 am and was on the OB floor by 5.50 am. “It’s gonna be a busy day and night Drew,” one of the residents said as I began to round that morning. (They call me Drew because there is another Andy on the rotation that started before me, and some of the nurses call me Doctor Drew, but I don’t yell at them.)

There were six labor inductions for the day. I rounded on two patients from 6.00-6.40 am and then went to get some breakfast before sign-out and 7.30 am lecture. Lecture only lasted until 8.15 am and after that the day truly began.

I helped with three of the new admits and did the history and physical on two of them. An H/P takes a good OB resident about a half-an-hour; it takes me about an hour, fifteen minutes of which are spent looking for the damn vitals chart that the nurses leave wherever they please. (I always put them away because I’m such a gentleman.)

At 10.00 am I was finishing the second H/P when a nurse told me room eight was ready to deliver and I should introduce myself so I could help with the delivery. I walked into the room and the Senior Chief Resident and Attending followed me.

This is what I heard as I walked in: “There’s mec.” “She’s not progressing.” “BP dropping.” “Fetal heart tones dropping.” “We gotta go, get the OR ready for crash C-section.”

I wasn’t gonna help with this delivery. “What do you want me to do?” I asked the Chief Resident. “Help the nurses, scrub in, but don’t get too close to the table.”

I did exactly what he said, but it didn’t stop me from getting yelled at for not getting him a scalpel fast enough and then having it touch my gloves, which technically weren’t sterile since I wasn’t gowned.

The woman was in the OR by 10.07 and delivered her baby at 10.24 am. Both mom and baby were stable when I left today.

The resident thanked me for my help and sort of apologized for yelling at me, “You were doing great helping out. Thanks. Just remember the sterile field.” I was trying. It was just crazy in there.

She Blinded Me With a Jack-Ass

Maybe Kevin Federline is the most hated man in America. When Thomas Dolby, creater of the 1983 new wave hit, "She Blinded Me With Science" is bashing you, it is pretty bad.

Apparently, on Federline's lastest track, released on his Myspace site, "America's Most Hated", he samples Mobb Deep's "Got it Twisted". The Mobb Deep song legally sampled Dolby's "Science". K-Fed did not make any attempt to obtain a license to use the sample from Dolby. Apparently the Britney killer is above the law.

Dolby was clued in by his fans via a message board on his blog website. See, blogging is useful. We can fight crime with blogging. He said of Federline, "Kevin Federline, whom I'd never heard of until a few days ago, appears to have illegally sampled one of my compositions, and laws aside, he owed it to me as an artist to ask if I minded that he recorded a vitriolic rap over the top of my music."

He then posted on his blog, passive aggressively, "So, K-Fed, if you're reading this, I'm asking you nicely to take the track down ASAP. Or maybe you'd prefer me to come after some of your wife's ill-gotten gains?" Well, that got someone's attention, because the song was removed from K-Fed's Myspace site.

The little rant by Dolby wasn't through though. He was just picking up steam. He went on to blast K-Fed. "I considered turning a blind eye to it other than, as I mentioned on my site, asking him politely to take it down. But I found out today that it aired on VH1 last week. So, it's more than just an MP3 download. It's like what Vanilla Ice did with 'Ice, Ice Baby,'" Dolby said, "although I think Vanilla Ice is a superstar compared to this guy."

He continued, calming down a bit, explaining the situation to MTV. "We issue licenses all the time, for movies and TV shows and so on. I was aware of the Mobb Deep one, but I certainly never issued a license to Kevin Federline. I wouldn't have turned it down because of who he is," Dolby told MTV. "I knew nothing about him, quite frankly, and just because he gets a bad rep in the press doesn't make him a bad guy. But just on the merits of the song, I would have said no".

If you can get an old 80's new wave rocker on your ass, you are doing something wrong. In Federline's case, he is doing a lot of things wrong. The talentless hack plans to release his debut album, Playing With Fire in August without a record deal. Britney should cut off his funding for this little project to save the world from this trash. That would be ironic, don't you think? A little too ironic, yeah I really do think.

Randomness

My head is hazy this morning. My intestines are burning from the Spicy Garlic and Wild sauce combination. Generally, I feel like crap. It is ok, because it is crap by my own volition.

First off, I would like to thank Andy and DJ for not mentioning anything about the NCAA Men's Basketball Finals. Enough time has passed that I feel as if I can make a comment or two. The fact of the matter is if you didn't live in Southern California or Florida, you simply didn't care. It was boring and let's say...boring.

In other news, I almost felt bad for U of M falling to the Gamecocks in the NIT finals. I mean, what else does Wolverines basketball have?

Joakim Noah is ugly and stupid. Eff his hype. Eff Florida. Everyone knows that Billy Donovan is a cheater. He is parallel to Kelvin Sampson in this regard. Noah blew kisses to the UCLA cheerleaders, reportedly because they were taunting him by calling him UGLY. For the offspring of a tennis champion, and Miss Sweden who was also runner-up in the Miss Universe pageant, he is UGLY. I wouldn't be entirely surprised if the cheer squad was chanting their normal U-C-L-A chant, and Noah is too egotistical to realize what is going on. He should listen to Carly Simon.

Thats enough on that.

Lindsay Lohan is retarted. She flashed the poor innocent kids during the Kids Choice Awards this week. Nickelodeon will never be the same. I am posting this for DJ, because his profile admits his like for her. She might be ok if she could get over her Gwen Stefani syndrome. We all have guilty pleasures, thus is life.

Harry Taylor speaks out

Mr. Harry Taylor confronted the President today at a speech in Charlotte, NC.

Mr. Taylor began, "You never stop talking about freedom, which I appreciate, but while I'm listening to you talk about freedom I see you assert your right to tap my telephone, to arrest me and hold me without charges,"

Harry was booed by the crowd. Bush quieted the crowd and allowed Taylor to finish.

Taylor continued, "I feel like despite your rhetoric, that compassion and common sense have been left far behind during your administration, and I would hope from time to time that you have the humility and grace to be ashamed of yourself."

That is a strong statement that may not be far from the truth. Outside and nearby, there were a small group of protesters who had signs noted by the media, calling Bush a "liar", instructing to "do your job!" and a lone Simpsons fan with one declaring, "Worst president ever!"

Bush shrugged off the comments and defended all of his wayward decisions. The one that struck me as most ironic was regarding the war in Iraq. Bush commented on Saddam Hussein's failure to comply with the United Nations' requests. He said, "When America speaks, we ought to mean what we said. I meant what we said when we embraced that resolution that said 'Disclose. Disarm. Or face serious consequences.' Words mean something in this world if you're trying to protect the American people."

Yup GW, how were those WMDs that went undisclosed? Hmm.... never existed, so there was nothing to disclose.

This mentality scares me. We have to act on every word that George Bush utters. The power of the free world rests on this man's tongue. So, basically to defend the American people, you have to talk a big game and make a lot of threats. To make this talk and these threats credible, we have to back them up by war. America needs to prove that it is an international bully in order to cover up for our weaknesses. That can't fare well for troops who will be deployed in Iran in the next 9 months.

My baby's got sauce.

I wanted to go to the Tigers / Ranger game tonight, but there is a chance of some storms. It is such a pain in the ass to get over to Arlington and get into the game, I don't want to take my chances of rain delays or rain out.

That got me thinking. I could just sit at home and watch the game, which is probably better for my sore foot. Or, I could go to the bar and have some company and some very unhealthy food and drinks.

That got me thinking even more. Buffalo Wild Wings' Spicy Garlic sauce is one of the top 5 flavors of a sauce of all time. It is heaven. If I could marry Spicy Garlic, I would.

Here are the official top 5 sauces (subject to change).

1. Lou & Harry's greek dressing on a Tommy Pita. (East Lansing)
2. BW3 - Spicy Garlic. (America)
3. Carrabba's Alfredo Sauce. (America)
4. Blue Goose Cantina's Salsa (Dallas)
5. Da Nico's five cheese pasta sauce. (NYC)

Feel free to share yours, so I can try something new sometime. Cheers and Go Tigers!

What, No Love?

AZ -

Once upon a time, not so long ago, three mighty blogs existed. At their peak, Greatest Novel, My Life After Paint Chips and Leave of Absence attracted many readers and stimulated several discussions.

Now, these three blogs have joined forces as the mega Blog Alliance. However, comments on this site have been sparse at best.

What happened? Are blogs passé? Have these posts fallen on blind eyes or deaf ears (if someone was reading to a deaf person)? Is readership down? Or is it just that the lovely readers of this blog just don’t have the time to leave comments? What is it?

I want 50+ comments on every post, even if 48 of those posts are calling the author a bagadouche. (If you are calling me a bagadouche, that’s fine. But be aware that I may retaliate by calling you a bloody swollen vagina.)

So why no love? Please leave comments if you feel so inclined. It makes my day when I can come home and read other individual’s thoughts and ideas.

Thank you.

Mr. Irrelevant, You're on the Clock

AZ -

The term Mr. Irrelevant is usually designated to the last player chosen in the NFL draft. However, if any NFL team has ever encompassed this term, it is the Detroit Lions.

The Lions have only one playoff victory in over 40 years and under the current team management the most wins Detroit has amassed in one season is six.

GM Matt Millen’s mismanagement of this franchise goes beyond just poor coaching hires and wins and losses, his draft record and free agent pick-ups have been awful as well. The Lions overspent on an over-rated CB in Dre Bly, they signed three quarterbacks in the off-season this year (none of whom have started for more than one season) and the mishaps in the draft are too numerous to discuss.

Over the last four years, Joey Harrington received most of the blame for Detroit’s woes. However, it is hard to blame a quarterback who is behind the worst offensive line in the NFL, three different coaches and coordinators in four years and a receiving group that led the leg in dropped passes in two out of those four years. Although Harrington’s talent may have been over-rated, it would be impossible for any young quarterback to succeed under those circumstances.

Now the Lions and some Lions’ fans would like to draft Vince Young. Young was an outstanding collegiate football player and he has the talent to play in the NFL. But as a quarterback? No.

Vince Young ran most of his formations out of the shotgun at Texas. That won’t happen in the NFL. Secondly, Young’s mechanics are poor; he throws side arm and the ball floats when he goes over the middle. In college those passes can find the receivers, but in the NFL those free safeties will jump on the pass and take it back for six. Finally, his elusive mobility will be limited because the defensive ends in the NFL are too quick. Think about Julian Peterson, Javon Kearse and Jason Taylor bearing down on him; totally different from the DE’s he faced at Baylor and Oklahoma State.

Matt Millen loves to draft offensive talent who bring a flare, but not necessarily fill the teams needs. The Lions need to build their offensive line and defensive secondary. There are several OL prospects available in the 2006 draft and some very high quality players who may be around for the Lions.

Whoever the Lions choose though, there is a very high chance the player will not live up to his expectations and the local media and fans will drag him over the coals until he leaves. Thus, continuing Detroit’s reign as the most irrelevant team in the NFL.

Tom and Katie are at it again

Tom DeLay and Katie Couric both recently announced plans to leave their posts.

I honestly can't say which departure will have the greatest impact on the country.

NFL Draft - Detroit Questions

The NFL Draft is quickly approaching. I was looking at the lastest projections. Detroit is mock-drafted by Sports Illustrated as taking Jimmie Williams from Virginia Tech. Although Williams is a quality cornerback, and Detroit needs a quality cornerback, I am not sold on the pick.

As currently projected, there are some great players hypothetically available when it becomes the Lions' turn to make their selection. Namely, Vince Young. I know, I know all of the Lions fans are still upset over the ousting of Joey Harrington. I know, I know, this also defies logic, as the Lions' off season focused on the quarterback position.

I don't agree with the free agent signings of Josh McCown and Shaun King. But, it happened. I think if there is an opportunity to snatch a quarterback with the soul of Vince Young, they should. You can always make it fit. Start developing him now, and a few years down the road, we may actually have a solid quarterback who we, as fans, can get excited about and have confidence in.

Furthermore, one rookie cornerback is not going to make or break the defense. With the other offensive weapons in place, one stellar rookie quarterback can make or break the W column.

Feel free to crucify me for my points of view.

Is it too soon?

I just watched the trailer for the first 9/11 movie that was made, Flight 93.

Apparently, this is causing an uproar among many. The trailer is being pulled from theatres in New York and across the country. They say that the tragedy is too new still for Americans to accept this movie.

I can see it going two ways. If it is made with wanton disregard for those affected by a very emotional and relatively fresh event, it is not only too soon, it should never be made. It should become evident relatively quickly if this is the case. Money is a very strong motivator to stray from what is morally right.

It can go the other way though. If this movie memorializes those who were affected and involved it can be a very worthy and artistic tribute. I will hope for the latter rather than the former.

The trailer isn't all that revealing, but click on the link, if you have Quicktime.

Ma'am, can you please keep your legs crossed?

The weekend box office numbers are in and it looks like movie-goers are more interested in extinct mammoths than irrelevant beavers.

Ice Age: The Meltdown (Fox), buoyed by brand name recognition (with some help from the first Simpsons teaser) opened in first bringing in just over $68 Million. Spike Lee's caper joint, Inside Man (Universal) brought in $15.4 Million in its second week, good enough for second place and bringing its total to $52.5 Million.

Coming in a surprising third place was the urban family drama ATL (Warner Bros.) raking in $11.5 Million on a mere 16o2 screens in its first week of release.

Failure to Launch (Paramount) and V for Vendetta (Warner Bros.) rounded out the top five earning $6.5 Million and and $6.3 Million respectively.

Bad news for Sharon Stone as her comeback attempt fell flat.

Basic Instinct 2 (Sony), the untimely sequel to her 1992 break out hit, failed to register much interest from an audience which had forgotten about her over the last few years, finishing with $3.2 Million in a virtual tie for tenth place with Larry the Cable Guy:Health Inspector.

Texas Rangers Home Opener

What a wonderful day today is. It is the official start of baseball for me. What makes it even better? It is a day game. It is supposed to be sunny and in the 80's, so it is a perfect day for a little baseball.

Ahh, a few cold beers, sunshine, maybe a hooker or two? Nah, probably not the hooker part.

I should be working all day, but I will make up for it later. There is only one home opener and it is today. In about three hours, I will be thoroughly enjoying my day. I should be happy for at least a day. After that we will see.

In a few days, the Tigers are in town. Hopefully they are steadily progressing as a team. I didn't really keep up with them over the off-season and this spring. I don't think they made any major moves though. We will see, it is a very long season.

Hope everyone out there is enjoying their Monday.

I'm So Tired

Last night was great, but I gotta tell ya, I could do for that hour of sleep that was so rudely ripped away from me.

Following is an incomplete itinerary of Saturday's events.

9:00- lunch with the Easter Bunny at the Frenchtown Applebee's. The pancakes were good, the eggs? Not so much.

10:00- call Kohler to confirm departure time for trip to Grand Rapids.

10:30- try Kohler again.

11:00- once more.

1:00- knock on Kohler's door.

1:30- depart for Grand Rapids by way of Heather's house in Redford.

5-ish- Arrive in Grand Rapids with two hours to spare before the doors open for the inaugural bout of the GRRG.

6:00- realize I am slightly drunk in the hotel bar.

6:47- we caravan from The Raddison to The Delta Plex.

7:00- Kohler and I tell security that we are refs from Detroit so we can sit on the floor with the rest of the Detroit Derby collective.

some time later- realize I am now quite drunk.

5:00 minutes to go in the second period- begin to understand just what the hell is going on here. I like it.

post-game- Where's Kohler? Oh, there he is.

after party- Oh shit! This is the most packed bar I have ever seen.

some time later- head to the bar to order beer and water.

20 minutes later- finally get my order.

some time later- how did I get out on the dance floor? Oh well, I better bust out something funky.

seconds later- Damn! That was funky!

hours later- Merredith and I are ready to go. Tricia, not so much.

bar's closing- coney dogs? Yeah, that's a great idea.

minutes later- Tricia cannot be trusted to navigate.

minutes later- Coney Island!

4:30? Merredith and I create ground rules for sharing a sofa bed. Her rules are not as fun as mine.

5:00 am- another house guest is worried about sleeping in the same room with us, for fear that we might hook up. I assure her that we will not be hooking up, adding, "I don't even know this bitch."

morning- I ask Merredith if my snoring bothered her. She says it didn't. I tell her that I probably farted on her while we were sleeping.

afternoon- return to the Raddison to rejoin my Detroit Derby contingent. Ed once again compliments my unique dancing style, comparing me to a modern day Kevin Bacon circa Footloose. I notice that the room in which they slept smells like sausage and ass, and I thank God that I crashed at Tricia's.

3:00 Finally home. I smell bad.

On the 7th Day He Rested

It is Sunday. After seeing the Big, Bucking Chicken commercial from Burger King (which I absolutely love) I was in the mood for a chicken sandwich. I did not want one from Burger King, as I try not to eat anything from there. I had a craving for Chic-Fil-A. So, naturally (being overtaken by the power of advertising) I went down the road in an attempt to satisfy my needs. Guess what, they are closed on Sundays. Does this make any sense? NO.

Does the Chic-Fil-A chain so religiously inclined that they refuse to work on the Sabbath? It is bullshit.

Now, I sit here, hungry and chickenless. Mother f&%$ers.

Next Time Gadget

AZ -

In the end I couldn’t go through with it.

Almost every year I try to play an April Fool’s joke on my dad. His birthday is on April Fool’s day and it’s always fun to try to get him believing a completely absurd story.

However, most of my jokes are very practical, i.e., the joke about a car accident I caused. That could happen and unfortunately has happened…twice

This year I went to a new extreme. I was discussing my April Fool’s joke history with Dustin and he thought a great joke would be to tell him I was getting sued. Then after a little brainstorming he said he would have his brother, a lawyer, type a fake lawsuit I could show my dad to add to the depth of the joke.

His brother typed an amazing fake lawsuit. It was hard to keep a straight face with the story so I figured I would practice on Emily and Brooke to see if I could do it. Apparently I could. Emily and Brooke were visibly upset by the fake news and when I told them it was a joke, they were more than a little pissed at me.

Emily said I couldn’t play this joke on our dad because he would have a heart attack. I began to believe she was right and I debated for a couple days if I could go through with it.

But alas, I didn’t. Otto escaped my joke this year. He thought the joke was hilarious, but also admitted he would have killed me if it was true. I guess it was better for both of us. I wouldn’t want my dad going to prison for killing me over a silly April Fool’s joke.

Next year I may not go to that extreme, but I will get him. I’ll find him.

Comments and Suggestions

AZ –

Recently suggestions were given on how the newly created and highly innovative Blog Alliance could be improved. Among these ideas was including the author of the post at the beginning of the blog so whoever was reading it knew who had written it. Thus, AZ at the top of this post.

It’s a good suggestion. Like always I strive for perfection, so comments are always welcomed and encouraged.

In the past I was told my blogs are too long, I write too much about sports and recently my post volume has decreased too much.

Sorry on all accounts. I’ve had a busy month and didn’t post as much. I am long winded and often get detoured in my own writing. I like sports and as part of the sports media, from time to time I have to write about it.

However, I will try to improve in whatever ways I can and hopefully make the Blog Alliance as powerful as the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars, but not the Weezer Rebel Alliance because Weezer sucks now.

Godspeed. This is AZ signing off.

Simpsons... Trailer? Maybe.

E News and the BBC on-line are reporting that fans of the sequel to Ice Age are being treated to more than Denis Leary's pleasant nature and Ray Ramano's interesting take on a Mammoth's voice.

Both news outlets have reported that a 25 second teaser trailer for "The Simpsons" movie, to be released in 2007, appears during the movie's previews. This over due announcement comes on the heals of the news that America's favorite family was re-upped for two more seasons, meaning the movie will premiere the July before what could be the last season.

Although Simpsons fans have understandably developed a never say die attitude when it comes to the longest running sitcom of all-time.

D'oh--I mean--Woo hoo!

Baseball's Steroid Investigation is as Weak as Bud Selig Himself

All this talk of an open investigation into the Steroid Era of baseball has my head spinning. First of all, let me put out in th eopen, that Bud Selig is a self-centered, egotistical, and deceiving leader of baseball. He sees dollar signs and not much else.

The investigation into Barry Bonds is ludicrous. You have to go way beyond that scope to make it relevant. In my opinion, it is Bud Selig's personal goal to block Bonds from any more records. It is also, in my opinion, all Selig's fault that the whole situation got this far out of control.

The major league owners started discussing the issue of steroids in formal meetings in 1993. It only got serious enough for an investigation now. Hmm....could it be because the corporate sponsors are starting to pull their funding, based on a possibly tainted Bonds record run? Yes. Before dollars were starting to stray from baseball, it was no big deal.

I wouldn't be surprised if Selig intimately knew of steroid and other performance enhancing drug use long ago. When baseball went through its tough labor times, fans were reluctant to return to the parks to give their support of the game. So what did baseball do? They made the game more exciting by juicing the ball. This started the offensive overhaul of the game. Homers were entertainment and entertainment sold tickets. Knowing that this was Seligs money pot, I can see how heads could be turned to ignore the bulking up of players. Afterall, record homers were exciting. Ratings were up, attendance was up, the green was flowing in.

Maybe it went too far. Records were being smashed by over the hillers. The suspicion grew more and more. Drug testing policies were put into place. Bonds never failed. Other players failed. Bonds is the closest to breaking the most coveted record of all time. Selig realized that what he let go for years and years has come back to haunt him. He made his money then, and is losing money now beacuse of Bonds' image. He will do whatever it takes to block Bonds and to retain his corporate sponsers' dollars. Poor Bud Selig, it must be rough being such a slimy bastard.