The D - O - G

It has been a long time since I have posted anything to either of my blogs or even thought of typing MySpace into my browser. I have been ridiculously busy.

In case you have missed anything in the past few weeks, here is a recap:

It is guaranteed that I am fatter since the last time you saw me. That is even true if you saw me this weekend at Chris' party.

Chris' party was the bomb-diggity. The Tigers game was the best game I have ever seen in my life. Ever.

I am in New York. I am busy and tired and a little sick. Sick...and not from alcohol you say. Yes, I am afraid so, unless it was just something I ate. Hopefully it is the latter.

The Heat won the NBA championship. Who cares? Dwyane Wade can now get an even bigger head and the league can suck him off twice a day now.

The Tigers still are holding on to the best record in baseball. Who would've thunk it. It is about time all of those years of being a Tigers fan would pay off. Knock on wood, or wood trim, whichever is available to you.

Chris is getting married. For some odd reason, this doesn't even seem weird to me. It makes me feel a little older, but not weird. I would have guessed differently.

Finally, to keep with the blogging tradition of saying goodbyes to the fallen celebrities, I bring you the saddest news of all......

Eddie, (whose real name is Moose) the lovable and rambunctious dog from Frazier has passed of old age in the care of his trainer in L.A.




R.I.P. Moose.

Me Too Neither

After reading Andy's last post I checked my own MySpace mail box and I had recently received two messages. The first was from a girl named Jennifer and the second from a girl named Anna. I want you all to read these messages and tell me what you think.

Message 1 (Jennifer)

Subject: Hey!

Hey there buster brown!

So, looks like it's time for me to start using this site. I can hold back no more.. Let the addiction begin! I took a gander though your page and well, I liked what I saw.. ;p

So um, they call me Jennifer. I think us crazy kids should perhaps be friends, cause you seem pretty nice, and interesting, and maybe even cute! (it's so hard to tell in this cruel digital world.. :)

anyways, i would go on and on, but I'd like to get an answer from you first! You should check out my other page on this other site, I'm allllways on over there: www.surf4friends.com?id=2201&mypics (my username is sabrinas). I probably won't be coming here everyday anyway. Then maybe we could chat sometime! you know what they say.. looks captures the eyes, but personality captures the heart.. LOL!

hope to hear from you soon,

Jennifer

Now, Jennifer got one thing right. I think it's sexy when girls call me Buster Brown. I can't say why, but it gets me all hot.

Let's look at message 2 (Anna)

Subject: Hey There :p

Hey!

So, i guess it's time for me to start using this site. I can resist it no more.. Let the addiction begin! I took a gander though your profile and well, I liked what I saw.. :p

So.. ya :) they call me Anna. I think me and you should probably be friends, because you seem pretty nice, and smart, and maybe even cute! (it's so hard to tell in this vast digital world.. :)

anyways, i would go on forever, but I wanna get an answer from you first! You should check out my other "space" on this other site, I'm allllways on over there: www.circleforfriends.com?id=2201&mypics (my username is nrak). I probably won't be logging in here everyday anyway. Then maybe we could chat sometime! you know what they say.. appearance catches the eyes, but personality wins over the heart.. LOL!

take care,

Anna

Anna Anna Anna! That's no way to e-Seduce me. Where'd you learn how to speak stripper? "Vast?" No, baby. You see how Jennifer used "cruel?" That's more like it. All teen angsty and shit like she feels my pain.

My sweaty, desperate, pain.

"Take care?!" Where's the urgency? The passion? It's all wrong! Now, no Red Bull or cocaine until you can present a proper, slutty letter to a stranger. For Chrissake!

Who types um? Who is that timid? Probably the same person who allows her picture to be used in SPAM.

The check's in the mail.

Sorry Jen Babe, I'm Not Your Man

It’s been well documented that I only date girls whose first name begins with the letter ‘J.’ Moreover, if a female’s first name is Jennifer there is a high probability I’ll date you if you show even the slightest interest in me. That’s how I roll.

Because every day I become slightly more introverted and isolated here in the Dotte, I check out MySpace more frequently hoping that someone has blogged or done something interesting/funny. And now because I’m “single” I’ve been getting lots of friend requests from other “singles.”

Today I received a friend request from a 25 y/o Jennifer living in Toledo, Ohio. On Jennifer’s profile, she politely explained she is a “cam model.” A cam model is someone who does adult shows in the privacy of their own home. But don’t think Jennifer is an escort or a hooker. She only does this stuff on-line and won’t meet in person…unless she really likes you.

How sweet: an adult entertainer with morals. I was interested so I read whom she’d like to meet.

Jennifer stated she would like to meet, “Guys who know how to have fun online and off and that aren't cheapskates or assholes.” She also added, “Just admit it…you know you want me.”

I love confidence in a woman and her name is Jennifer, but sorry I’m nearing $100,000 in debt and I’m a self-centered jerk. That’s two strikes against me and we haven’t even met in person. Who knows, you may not like me enough to do that anyway.

I really thought we could have a successful MySpace relationship, but alas I don’t fit into your rubric for guys you’d like to meet. Thanks for the friend request, but I’ll have to decline.

Good luck with other MySpace relationships, I’m sure there are some non-cheapskate non-assholes who have pimped their page just for you.

Miscellaneous Musings – from the OR to the Axis of Evil

Lommerse your CD’s were nonchalantly sent out today. Thank you everyone who stuck by my side after EKG’s blatant insult about my CD mixes. Jacob is clearly the best at this fine art, but if EKG was going to include himself on such a short list I should have been included too. Sh*t I would have accepted an honorable mention. I was hurt, but I’m slowly getting over it.

Kohler I’m sorry I left those CD’s at your place. I think I also left some of my brain cells somewhere. Check by the keg. I’m sure they’re there.

F**k hockey. I’m not happy a team from the south won the Cup again. In my humble and rational opinion the NHL should not have any teams from states that seceded from the Union. But, then Sam reminded me that these Hurricanes were once the Whalers. So what. The Avalanche were once the Nordiques. The Avs are in the sport’s world Axis of Evil and can rot in hell.

Breakfasts come and go Rene. But Hartford, the Whale, they beat Vancouver once maybe twice in a lifetime.

Speaking of Axis of Evil sports teams, the Miami Heat are right there too. How bad does David Stern and the NBA want these f**k sticks to win? Seriously, the Stackhouse suspension was a joke. And I agree with a friend who believes Dwyane Wade has great PR people who hype up his injuries. They talk him up like he’s always playing injured, that way he looks more impressive. If he’s getting hurt that much then he either has a medical problem or he’s a really big pussy. The latter is probably true.

The Red Wings – new coach, best record in the NHL. The Pistons – new coach, best record in the NBA. The Tigers – new coach, best record in the majors. Third time’s a charm? Maybe the Tigers will do what the Wings and Pistons couldn’t: win a championship. F**k the Lions and their new coach.

Henry Ford Wyandotte had the great enchilada casserole today in the café. Awesome, but it’s not so much an enchilada as much as it is ground beef cooked in a tortilla shell with cheese on it. It’s still good though, but I didn’t have time for seconds today.

More hospital news. One nurse asked if I ever left the hospital. I said not really. Today, there were three cool surgeries today. The first was a carotid endarterectomy, in which you open up the carotid artery and remove the plaque in it. The whole time you have to talk to the patient to make sure they do not stroke out. The second was a fifth toe amputation due to a gangrenous bacterial infection. Finally, a simple lap chole, but I closed it. I fumbled around like a jackass, but the incisions look nice and it’s my work. Hooray for sutures!

They’re OR scrubs. Oh are they?

I often get confused as a resident, even though I wear the short white coat denoting my mere medical student status. But today, another nurses asked if I worked at American Eagle. I told her that I did not. She insisted that there is an employee there who looks just like me. I wonder if he’s getting laid? I couldn’t have sex if I paid someone, so if he were I’d just like to know his secrets. He probably isn’t 100,000 dollars in debt and doesn’t really look like me.

Don’t freak out, I’m not gonna pay anyone to have sex with me. I would rather sleep, that’s way more pleasurable right now.

Ozkar is getting large. He lost a tooth so his nickname right now is the toothless wonder. What? You don’t care about my cat? Well you should, because I’ll teach him to eat you and your family tiger style. Watch your back.

I haven’t been to the movies in a long time and there are so many I would like to see. This is a good summer for comedies, it ranks right up there with the summer of 2004 that had Dodgeball, Anchorman and Napoleon Dynamite.

Countdown to the B Party!

It is almost go time. By that I mean, it is almost time to send Chris off to life after marriage. I am very excited to see everyone and the Major League leading Detroit Tigers. This of course is after a little go-kart trek. Other than that, the holes will be filled in by alcohol. Or at least that is my plan. I am sure everyone is with me.

Ahh...something about it sucks though. The fact that I have to be concious and coherent enough to make it to NYC the next day. It may be tough, but if I put my mind to it, I think I can do it.

In other news. East Lansing is a haven for alcoholics. I am having fun though.

Feuding

EKG and AZ have a feud going on that rivals Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Or maybe it rivals Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritche. Regardless, the common denominator is Paris Hilton.

The feud is good though, unless it comes to physical blows. I am sure that at drunken times it does. Hopefully AZ hits back. Regardless, both of them know the power of the celebrity feud and excitement it creates. Sure, some people may see ridiculous squabbling, but I love to hear the epic friendly rivalry that is EKG V. AZ.

I need someone to feud with. It would create a little more excitement in my life. Contrary to sometimes popular belief, I am a pretty non-confrontational person. I can step it up if need be, but overall I am serene.

There is no one in my life to feud with right now. The only former candidate has dropped out of consideration for lack of excitement and lack of overall interest.

So please, if anyone wants to start a new beef with me or even rekindle an old one. Have at it. I welcome any kind of confrontation that can come my way.

Thank You.



EDIT:
Something exciting just happened to me. I was just turning the shower off and the fire alarm went off. There were loud annoying sounds and strobe lights. I probably did what you are not supposed to do in a hotel fire situation. I very nakedly opened the door to check out what was going on. I popped out into the hallway for a worker to be standing right there to tell me they were just testing the system out. I apologized to him for having a towel in my hand and not completely over me. Don't you think they should get a memo out that there is going to be a fire system test? Oh well, I will take the tiny bit of excitement that it provided. I would have rather had a full blown hotel fire though.

Mix It Up

The Mix is a dying art form. It has been replaced by iPod shuffle and internet radio. Not to mention the glut of posers who have been filling Memorex CDs with 78 minutes of schlock and crap for the last ten years.

The true Mix as an expression of angst, love, or depression (the holy trinity of counterculture youthdom) is now but a memory.

It has been lost in a sea of haphazardly thrown together mixes with current Top 40 garbage, whiny emo, and (worst of all) modern country (the holy trinity of crap).

Lookie here, Cookie, your break up soundtrack featuring Matchbox 20, The Get Up Kids, and Toby Keith took about as much thought and creativity as my last bowel movement.

Please leave this to professionals. That's why I've started a list of acceptable mixers. Anyone not on this list should avoid disseminating any and all mixes until otherwise directed by me. Trust me, this is going to save everyone a lot of headaches.

The list is limited to:

Jacob Longton (Henceforth known as the King of the Mix)
DJ Freese (The Duke, the kickass Duke)
Jack White
Jay Ferguson

If you feel that your name has been left off this list by mistake maybe you should reconsider your interest in Dashboard Confessional or, perhaps, Def Leppard.

Thank you.

I'm a slacker!

So, I haven't really had too much time to post things on here. I have been extremely busy and still trying to settle in. I feel bad that I haven't hung out with my friends more since I have been back. That in mind, it has been a lot of fun chillin' with JMac and EZ along with the rest of the E.L. scragglers.

I haven't even read too much on here. I feel bad.

Andy tells me not to worry about Spartan Basketball. That worries me even more. I saw Goran Suton, Idong Ibok, and Maurice Joseph at the bar last night. I can tell by the way they were content in playing the table-side video games, that they have no heart. Suton looked like he wanted to marry the game. Maybe he should.

These three players had no presence to them, as players who are something special most certainly do. Sure, it is the offseason, but it shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter.

P.S. If you go into the settings and give me shared administrative rights, I can change that stupid song.

Why was I at the bar on Monday night? Why not.

Everything Is Gonna Be All Right

Spartan fans are worried. Don’t be.

Shannon Brown officially entered the NBA draft this week and the Big Three from the 2005-2006 Michigan State men’s basketball team, Brown, Paul Davis and Maurice Ager are gone. So is 74% of the Spartan’s offense.

However, the Big Ten has lost eighteen of its top 22 scorers and many teams graduated their top players. Illinois lost Dee Brown and James Augustine, U of M lost Daniel Horton and Indiana is in trouble in general due to transfers and recruiting sanctions. Wisconsin and Ohio State are in great shape, with the Buckeyes the pre-season favorites to run-away with the Big Ten Title.

But Spartan fans only need to think back to the 2001-2002 season. This was the year after three straight Final Four appearances and the departures of Andre Hutson, Charlie Bell, Jason Richardson and Zach Randolph.

That year Marcus Taylor stepped up his game and led the Big Ten in assists and points per game. He increased his points per game from 7.4 PPG in his freshman year to 16.8 as a sophomore. Drew Neitzel certainly has the capability of doing this.

The Spartans are solid in the frontcourt, although Marquise Gray is out for the summer due to another fracture in his foot. This will set his development back even more. But Goran Suton has shown flashes of solid play and incoming freshman Raymar Morgan has the versatility to play the three or four and could guard the opponents three or four. If Drew Naymick stays healthy and can provide five to ten points per game the frontcourt will be fine.

Michigan State will be weak in the backcourt though. Maurice Joseph has potential, but needs to become consistent. Travis Walton is a lock down defender and solid point guard. He needs to improve his jump shot. Isaiah Dahlman will have lots of opportunities to shine as a true freshman. He was a scorer and a winner in high school after leading his Braham High School Bombers to three state titles and scoring the second most points in the history of Minnesota prep basketball.

The class of 2007 recruits has superstars Kalin Lucas, Durrell Summers and Chris Allen setting up a prolific backcourt. Coach Izzo should really consider adding a fourth guard in Darquavis Tucker because Summers is projecting as a small forward in college. The Spartans need to add depth to their thin backcourt over the next couple of years.

Michigan State won’t win the Big Ten next year, but they will make the NCAA tournament. Next year’s team will be a throw back to the days of Antonio Smith and the hard-nosed defense and good rebounding that built MSU into an elite program.

The Spartans will miss Brown’s talent and athleticism next year, but Izzo and the crew will find a way to be successful.

Extra! Extra! Grandma's Boy is Funny!

Don't believe whatever EKG says about this movie. Grandma's Boy is funny.

Watch it. You'll laugh and also think it is stupid, but it is funny. Nick Swardson and Allen Covert wrote this movie and it is the first movie produced under Adam Sandler's Happy Madison Productions. Just watch it. I guarantee, Swardson character (Jeff), Peter Dante's stoner character (Dante) and Joel Moore's robot voice as video game genius JP (you will recognize him from Dodgeball) will make you laugh.

I do recall a time when EKG wrote for a campus newspaper and told everyone to go see "Bring it On." He said you may be embarrassed about seeing, but you will enjoy it.

Don't buy EKG's bologna. This is a funny movie. Is it worthy of an Oscar? No. Is it better than "Bring it On?' YES.

Later gator. And to EKG: Adios terd nugget.

Last Comic Standing is still a Sham

After not airing the final few episodes of Season 3 of Last Comic Standing (they were run on Comedy Central, which has since ended its relationship with the show) NBC brought it back with a new host and the same problems.

For those unfamiliar with last Comic Standing we'll catch you up to speed. Last Comic Standing (or LCS as it would be called by die hards, if this frustrating piece of crap had any die hards) features a mix of amateur comedians and relatively unknown pros (Bill Dwyer was embarassingly eliminated in prelims) all vying for one of ten coveted spots in "The House."

Once in the house they will face wacky challenges and comic showdowns. The home audience then votes for the winner of the showdown each week and the one who loses goes home, a la American Idol (sort of).

Its all pretty standard reality show fare, only it usually falls flat. Mostly because the comedians who make it to the house are straight from central casting and are rarely funny.

See: ANT.

See: Dat Phan.

See: Well, pretty much everyone else from season 1.

This emphasis on filling a role over finding talent became apparent at the beginning of season 2 when judges Brett Butler and Drew Carey went ballistic after their choice for a finalist (Dan Naturman) was over ruled by the show's producers.

The reason for the veto: Their pick didn't fit the "reality show" cast.

I call shananigans.

Perhaps I will write more on this later, as my sleepiness now replaces my seething anger.

Short but... Well, Short.

Today on E News Ryan Seacrest said something funny:

"Janice (Dickinson) was a super model? Standards must have been a lot different in the '30s."

That's funny, because she is a nasty old bitch.

... Tigers are up in the 5th. I probably just jinxed 'em.

We Gotta Keep Our Composure, We Can't Freak Out!

The Pistons post-season was disappointing. A failure is too harsh of a word, but disappointing seems to hit the nail right in the head.

Some fans and sports talk radio show hosts want to call this the end of the Pistons’ championship runs. Everyone is upset and ready to show why this team is no good. I guess that is the sports culture right now: obtuse knee jerk machismo reactionism.

However, before the Detroit basketball fans burn down the Palace in a fit of rage let’s remember another overachieving Detroit sport team and their history: the 1995-1996 Detroit Red Wings.

That year the Wings set a NHL record for most points and wins and during the regular season everything just clicked. Hell even Chris Osgood scored a goal. After an easy first round victory, the Wings were flying high and ready to take on the St. Louis Blues. The underdog Blues out-played the Red Wings for much of the series and it took a double overtime game-winning goal by Steve Yzerman for the Wings to advance to the Western Conference Finals. There Detroit met the evil Colorado Avalanche with their veteran all-star, Joe Sakic and young superstar, Peter Forsberg. After the Avs split at the Joe, they won both games at home. The Wings fought off elimination in game five, only to succumb to Colorado in game six.

Sound familiar? It should. The Pistons breezed by the Bucks, had to go to game seven against an overachieving Cleveland team and then lost to Miami in six in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Certainly hockey and basketball aren’t the same, but the reactions by fans were similar. The Wings were called soft and unable to win important games.

But what happened to the Wings after the disappointment of 1995-1996? The organization pulled off a blockbuster trade for Brendan Shannahan and Detroit won back-to-back Stanley Cup Championships.

Could the Pistons get back on track next year and then win back-to-back NBA titles? Should Joe Dumars make a blockbuster trade to shake things up a bit?

The former could certainly happen. The Pistons are still young and have cap room to resign Ben Wallace and maybe bring back Detroit favorite Grant Hill. Make no mistake, Cleveland will get better next year, but the Heat had to win this year or they would lose their opportunity. Shaquille O’Neal is just about done and when he’s gone Dwyane Wade will be just another talented guard. The NBA really wants LeBron to get to the Finals, but that’s still some time away. In the west there is no better team than Dallas and Phoenix will be scary once Amare Stoudamire returns. The Spurs are solid, but old and the Clippers are still not ready to contend for any Championships. So the Pistons are still in the upper echelon of teams in the NBA.

As for the latter, Joe Dumars can tinker with the Pistons, but they do not need any dramatic changes. Flip Saunders may not be the right fit in Detroit, but this group of players are close on and off the court and have great chemistry. To disrupt it drastically would be wrong, but certainly a couple of new faces, players who can score and aren’t just defensive gurus and a stronger emphasis on defense would make this already solid team championship contenders again. Also, Flip needs to use his bench more effectively in the regular season and post-season. I’m sure Hubie Brown could give him some advice.

So Detroit Piston fans need not freak-out. This post-season is hard to stomach, but just look back to ten years ago when the Wings had their successful regular season and then flopped in the play-offs. If history repeats itself (in a different sport of course) things will be pretty good for the Pistons.

Still Firmly on the Panic Button

Ok, so the Pistons won in semi-impressive fashion last night. Not really. It was very unimpressive and unmotivated. The Heat were 6-20 from the free throw line. Off to Miami for game 6, where if the rest of the playoffs is any indication, then it will be a monumental task. These playoffs have epitomized home court advantage with far too many ridiculous calls and artificial shifts of momentum. I shouldn't say my hand is on the panic button. It is more like the I haven't given a shit in a long time button. Sorry I am a bad Pistons fan.

In other news, keep your hand warmed up on that panic button for the other team in Detroit. The Tigers ave fallen in four straight losing by a combined 30-7. They will be fine though. They still maintain a 1.5 game lead over the Chicago White Sox. It is a long season, so I will still keep the faith on this one.