An animal story

Is this your homework Larry? Is this your homework Larry? Have you ever heard of Vietnam Larry? You're killing your father Larry. Do you see what happens little Larry? This is what happens when you F*#k a stranger in the ass!

This is a story about the elements, a squirrel named Larry, a garage, and eviction.

There once was a cute little squirrel, his name later became Larry in the human world. Larry was a loner. His mother never taught him to share. Larry knew that winter was coming. He scoured the streets of East Lansing, but did not quite fit in there. He defected to the East Side of Lansing. He wandered until he found a nice and quiet neighborhood. As soon as he arrived, he immediately got down to business. He found a nice house on Kipling Blvd. to set up his home base. With the very mild winter, up until a few weeks ago, Larry had plenty of extra time to prepare for the elements. He gathered food, and when now one was looking, snuck it into his newly fashioned shelter. Now, you would think that Larry was a lovable little squirrel. At first sight he was.

It was a snowy day. Kipling Blvd. was even quieter than usual, because the inhabitants of a certain household were out of town for the weekend. The L was empty and inviting. J was the first one home on a Sunday. He was tired and ready to lounge around for a bit. Like I said, the L was empty and inviting. J was suddenly awoken from his dream. It is ok, because J dreams messed up dreams. Sometimes he lives them, sorta. C was home, with K in tow. C is always loud when entering the threshold of his humble abode. The door slammed behind him. K was tired too, and like I said, the L was half empty and inviting. C was in a busy body mood. He went outside to grab a snow shovel. J would've helped, but he left his gloves at Jimmy's Pub.

The snow shovels were located in the locked back room of the garage. As C opened the door, he was met with a grin of little Larry who was relaxing in the nest he had fashioned out of insulation on one of the rafters. If I am not mistaken, he was smoking a little squirrel cigar. Now, I would have thought that C would respect the little smoking squirrel, but was a little turned off because little Larry wasn't paying any rent. (Cue the Not in Nottingham song).

C immediately tried to kick little Larry out of his shelter and into the elements. Little Larry, being the little smart ass that he is, informed C that he needed to give him a 30 day Notice to Quit before he could be evicted. As you can imagine, C was taken back by all of this, speechless. He left the garage and came into the house. Still silenced. J and K were probably watching something stupid on MTV.

Little Larry, well he wished he would have made better choices.







The names of certain squirrels have been changed out of respect for their families. Some facts of this story have been altered and embellished to make it more entertaining. The squirrel died of natural causes (freaking coldness). C is not a murderer.