Keeping still in the emptiness, where you break and betray me.
Conversations in real life, in the real world.
Background: There are three characters in this little skit. There is a tall professional looking head of security. He is clean cut with a general regard for the public's well being. There is also a drunken bum, who lives in a wheelchair. This is not because he can not walk, I am convinced. Rounding out the cast, there is an angry young African American girl. The setting is on an LA subway train.
Security Man: (holding train door open) "This man just made a motorcyclist crash on Sunset Blvd. He is upstairs bleeding to death, we need the police".
Train Conductor: "please let go of the door, we have a schedule to keep".
Security Man: (still holding door) "This man needs to be arrested, he just almost killed someone upstairs".
girl: (very upset) "Let go of the f*cking door. We need to go"!
Security Man: (still holding door) "Calm down"!
girl: (growing more upset) "F*ck you! You calm down. I need to get home"!
Bum: (drunk as f*ck) "I didn't do anything, I am in a wheelchair. How could a guy in a wheelchair do anything wrong"?
Security Man: (getting annoyed) "This man caused an accident and left the scene. It needs to be taken care of).
girl: (still upset) "f*ck you. Let the f*ucking door go".
Security Man: (losing his cool) "f*uck me. f*ck you. How would you feel if it was your dad up there bleeding to death on the street".
girl: (more upset) "I wouldn't give a f*ck. I need to get home"!
bum: (to conductor) "This man is attacking me. We need the police. I just got assulted by this man".
Security Man: (letting go of the door) "This is impossible".
At this point, the narrator and his compadre jump off the train to go all CSI:LA. We went in search of the motorcyclist on Sunset Blvd. To our disbelief, there was none. Was this just a big Halloween practical joke? I think not. Do girls dress as slutty as possible for Halloween? Yes. Is it slowly becoming my favorit holiday for this reason? Yes.
OK, back to the story. Some other stuff happened and some other stuff happened. We were late for dinner, and bought the wrong Champagne. No one was too visibly upset though, and Dave and I reestablished dominance over women in the game of Euchre.
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7 comments:
wow. this is quite the story. entertaining and discouraging, but mostly entertaining.
i'm glad you dominated in euchre too. it is important to let the women know they cannot beat a man in anything....or something. i'm just joking of course. women are good at lots of things.
dude did you post this at 8 est, or pst? because if it was 8, were you up at 5? damn that's early.
i'm a little disappointed. i thought that this blog would get a lot more comments. people are fucking slackers. it was a great story and and interesting experience.
calm down dave. now you say "fuck you! you calm down" (is it ok to write "fuck?" Jon used *s, so i probably should too, but its too late for that, way too late. sorry if dave's hypothetical language offended anyone). but i digress.
i like to think it was an eloborate hoax. even better, i like to think that only the "security guard" was invovled and the bum was really innocent. the conductor and the girl were just bystanders in the ruse. which begs the question, maybe EVERY time some shit faced (and possibly disabled) bum claims something outlandish he is actuallly spitting the truth. this story has taught me not to judge a man to quickly....
or the bum was involved in the halloween deception. then i dont know what to think.
i hope you guys had fun.
and boys rule.
i agree.
wait...you bought the wrong champagne?
I told you that. I was surprised and overjoyed when you didn't go apeshit. JK. I just needed to buy more.
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