I woke up on Sunday when Ozkar attacked my toes. He does that when he’s truly ready to get up and he wants to go play with his toys in the living room.
So I stumbled out of bed, he ran to the living room and eventually we met at my computer. Aww…how cute.
I turned on my computer and went to read the New York Times just like every Sunday morning. The first article that caught my attention was “The Lonely American Just Got a Bit Lonelier.” I thought, “Shit. I live alone and get lonely and I’m American. I don’t want to get lonelier. That’s gonna suck.”
I didn’t get a chance to sit down and really read Henry Fountain’s feature that summarized a new study done by Duke University and the University of Arizona until today when I got back from Coldwater and a Fourth of July celebration.
Fountain explained this new study, which reaffirmed Robert Putnam’s 2000 social commentary, “Bowling Alone,” illustrated Americans are lacking people to tell their deepest and darkest secrets to. Individuals now have become more and more isolated and have only their family, significant other or no one to confide in at all. Despite these continuing trends of alienation, talking with spouses has actually improved the study stated. The study also stated the amount of close friends is closely related to how long someone will live.
I often get bummed about living in Wyandotte removed from my academic haven of East Lansing. I get down when I think Mattress lives in Colorado now and I didn’t take total advantage when he only lived an hour away from me in the MP. It was hard when Jon moved to Dallas. And it was hard when Dave moved to LA to get his music career going, which he has been quite successful doing.
I’m sure there have been times (I know there have been on my part) where I haven’t discussed my “deepest and darkest” secrets with my friends and I have felt lonely. It can get depressing spending Friday nights alone, drinking Pacifico, watching the same movies over and over again and falling asleep on my sister’s couch. I don’t think that I’m getting lonelier from this.
Despite my Friday night date with myself, I can’t think of a group of friends that have stayed closer than our group from high school. DJ and Kohler reside in Monroe, Jacob in Ypsi and Chris in Brighton. Now Jon is back to Lansing. We still make time to get together and hangout. We were all there for each other at the end of April and during those trying times. We got together at the end of June for a happy and celebratory occasion. In between those events there has been numerous parties and gatherings as well as daily texts or emails about the Tigers or Pistons or just funny stuff.
I know this sounds cheesy, but the group of friends who graduated from Monroe High in 1998 have a pretty special bond. And we’ve only added to this group. Katherine, Chris’ new wife, my sister Emily and her friend Brooke and Jeni have all joined in this close group. I’m not sure what it is, but I think an interesting counter-study to this one would be to find groups of friends like ours and see what keeps the relationships so strong and enduring.
Everyone will have bouts of loneliness and it does seem that individual’s lives are becoming increasingly busier, but I’m glad that is not my life. Or I don’t think it is completely. Certainly I can get lonely, but I have a great group of friends and a close family. It seems it would be more important to see what makes people with our type of relationships prosper as opposed to illustrating the worsening of social isolationism.
Interestingly, Fountain interviewed Bill Maier, the vice-president of Focus on the Family, the evangelical Christian Group who opposes gay marriage and homosexuality in general. Maier explained the study’s findings were disturbing and, "We're missing out on deep, meaningful interpersonal relationships." However, his organization is at the forefront of blocking certain interpersonal relations from even forming. I think this evangelical Christian irony is always important to demonstrate.
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2 comments:
Don't worry, you won't be getting lonelier. That article was just in response to the recent spike in the national loneliness meter. It shot up in the past month or so due to my becoming a singular entity again. God willing, it should level off in the coming months.
I consider myself very fortunate to have such great friends (that includes "fringe members"). Without them, and my family, I think I would have broken the national loneliness meter.
thanks lommerse. i didn't think of you so much as a fringe member...i thought of you as a fulfledged x clan member. being a member of the x clan is important, but you have a fulfledged family now, which is way cooler. congrats on the son. send some pics my way. thanks for the kind words. this blog is all jon's doing. he's smart.
jacob, there may have been a spike recently, but i too joined the one is the loneliest the number group awhile back. sometimes it really sucks, other times it sucks less. then i think i'd rather be completely alone than have ozkar remind me that the only person i talk to some days is my cat.
so in summary friends rule. girls are evil. cats are good. baby's are good. ben wallace is a jerk.
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